Not in great shape

Bonjour, I'm not in top shape physically. Since Tuesday I drag myself about, I'm exhausted, I have nausea and headaches. A bit of heartache too anyway, too many goodbyes this week so rather sad. A bit nostalgic but I'm not quite sure of what, time gone by I guess and missed opportunities.

It was really wonderful to see Jane and her family again but too painful Wednesday when they brought Laura back and we all realised that we weren't going to see each other again before they went back to Nottingham. Suddenly the scene from two years ago rushed back to my mind, when we'd had to say goodbye one last time without knowing when would be the next time we'd see each other, just knowing it wouldn't be for months possible years.

We are both happy in our lives but we still miss each other and I haven't found a friend like Jane here. I think I am special to her too. I remember how I used to admire her when we first started to become friends 7 years ago. Jane is class, wisdom and kindness rolled in one. She has a way to smile that goes straight to my heart all warmth and softness, a bit like my darling sister I must say. I was so flattered she should take an interest in me and seek my company. Later when I went through really dark times, just seeing her silhouette in the school yard, it was like a ray of sunshine piercing through just for myself. Since then I learnt to bounce back on my own of course but her friendship will always be precious to me.

Wednesday night we were invited to a barbecue by other English friends. They are leaving tomorrow...

I don't miss England and there is no way I would ever move back there but it was 10 to 12 years of my life and it doesn't just vanish. Memories have a way of flooding back without any warning.

So there you are, my little English blues, probably temporary but there all the same, a little aparté into the story of my children's life. In any case it's better I don't talk about the children too much this week because they have put me through the mill and there are moments when I really do feel like saying : "it's a mistake, they are not mine!!". Big kisses to everyone.